So I flew in last night after an exhausting holiday with my family. There was a delightful young lady assisting us with our luggage and general airport experience. She was every bit of chocolate thickness. She had the thighs that come with wings, the belly that flows up to the bosom so where boobs begin and belly ends is anyone’s guess. Just generous.
As we passed through the doors that confirmed we were truly, finally, in Lagos, she slipped me a note.
It read…
Hi Ma’am,
I don’t mean to offend you in anyway. Rather I want to be of assistance. If you are worried and need to lose wight and be healthier/fit… you can contact me on 081xxxxx. The name is Jxxx. Thank me later
I read the note and thanked her for the kind gesture.
The very next morning, I got up, got dressed and got to business. I ‘forgot’ my phone at home, while away on holiday, so I had a million whats app messages, awaiting my perusal.
I saw one from a dear cousin who I am horrible at keeping in touch with, yet she really is just a delight. The last or first line read something about congratulations, (can’t remember if whats app shows the last message of first message first). Now I do believe going on holiday is a great thing, but I’d never been congratulated for it before… but… anyway… I opened the message… mouth drops open… stop breathing… seriously… its 7:30 in the morning… I just can’t… what?… I’m tired…
It read…
Congratulations dearie (two dancing emoticons)
Was looking through the birthday pictures some days back and noticed your baby bump.
Sorry I didn’t notice that day was super tired.
I’m breathless… So much for Spanx!
Of course did the only sensible thing a girl can do in that situation, took a screen shot and sent it to my sisters… Who then went into a blind rage… I suspect because they were still seething over the note from the night before.
So here we are…
What I do next… will determine the course of my future…
Do I …
1. Get angry, then hurt and then console myself with dinner at Pearl Garden
2. Get angry, find my trainers and ‘destroy’ this belly that ‘won’t allow me to be great’
3. Do I take a nap and consider options 1 and 2 again… i’m just tired…
Nap Time!!!!
