So I decided to start my year with a water cleanse. Out with the old, creating space for the new or in my case shrinking into the new.
The experience was better than I expected. I thought I would be lethargic and moody but for every day that I ‘overcame’ my desire for food and quitting in equal parts, I seemed to grow in strength and determination. By day 5 my ‘gait’ had changed. I was literally walking on my tip toes leaning back to accentuate my ‘flat’ tummy. Indeed Skinisha was born.
All I had on my mind all day long was food. Steak and Chips from Ikea, Chinese takeout, Suya, my World Famous Mixed Veg Curry. I could go on but it’s not helping. My Kitchen Rules and Master Chef were treated like filthy porn. I realised that food had been my joy and addiction for the past 18 months and I needed to look for a new source for satisfaction. Unfortunately sex was not on the cards as my service provider is presently in a different country. I decided to take out my note book and start writing. I needed something to take my mind of food and it work. Somehow I made it and it wasn’t painful or soul destroying, but it was only day 1.
Lesson 1: Don’t create voids. It was easier to overcome my thoughts of food by distracting myself.
Having over conquered day 1, I woke up feeling like a champion. I was invincible. I spent my day working and writing. It was effortless. I had energy. So I did what every reasonable person on a water cleanse does. NOT. I decided to go the gym. It was an intense session. I was like an untamed lion. What! I tore that gym up… I didn’t learn the day’s lesson till the next morning. I felt like I had been assaulted.
Lesson 2: Don’t fast and do HIIT unless you are sadomasochistic.
Waking up feeling like I had been run over by a 10 ton trailer did not help but I learned my lesson. There was a temptation to pity myself and comfort myself as I know best, with a nice 1 pot wonder (consisting of basmati rice, prawns, shredded beef, bok choi, green beans and my special chilli sauce) but I resisted the temptation with all that was within me. I spent the day avoiding all kitchen and kitchen/like facilities. I also had to delete Uber eats and Deliveroo from my phone so I wouldn’t fall.
Lesson 3: You have to delete the ‘dealers’ number if you want to kick the habit.
Now day 4 was when the bitter taste in my mouth became really pronounced. I lost all desire to drink water. For the first 3 days I was able to do an average of 3 litres of water daily (with a splash of lemon), but day 4 proved a challenge. Even the ‘hint’ of lemon in my water didn’t make a difference. I tried putting fruit infusion tea bags in the water and still no relief. I did not feel weak or dehydrated I just couldn’t drink that much water.
Lesson 4: Sometimes going without is better than the guilt of cheating.
The buzz I felt on day 5 amazing. I was so pumped that I made it to the finish line. I had so much energy, I found myself just pacing up and down. Every so often I would get up from my computer and just begin to pace around the coffee table. I also found I had a lot of clarity. I’ve heard that fasting clears the mind but I found it hard to believe that you would be clear headed when starving but it’s true! I was doing mathematical equations and solving problems that I didn’t even know I had.
Lesson 5: Fasting really does clear your mind and expands your mental reach.
Now, the story wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t mention 2 other things that were not so great about the experience. I’m just going to jump straight in so I can move on quickly.
- Using the loo was a bit… The first day you find yourself peeing a lot. Then from the second day you find yourself involuntarily doing the big job when you go to pee. The smells from your number 2 will also be toxic. So if you are blessed with not sharing a bathroom with others, please be considerate.
- Now after the fast I wasn’t hungry but on day 6 I truly can’t remember what I ate but my reintroduction to food was like a domesticated lion tasting blood for the first time. I was mysteriously ravenous and ended up with unbelievable tummy cramps. This led me to two days of salad and soup to reintroduce myself back to food without further injury.
I would definitely recommend the cleanse to anyone who wants to do a colonic and mental reset, but maybe do just 3 days rather than 5.