I had a long day and I didn’t feel like talking to anyone. I was holed up in my room enjoying my old school radio drama about a man who was being blackmailed and his wife was suspiciously fine with it.
I heard the door creek open and I froze like someone who had just seen Medusa. My eyes were closed but I could hear their steps as they motioned towards my bed.
Eddie jumped on my bed ready to awaken me from my slumber as violently as possible. As he attempted to pry my eyes open, Henry yelled “Stop! She’s sleeping.” I had been holding my phone when the boys walked in and my story was still playing.
I felt my phone slip out of my hand. These people must think they’re smart but they don’t know I’m smarter, I thought to myself. I could feel Eddie slide off the bed. Thoughts on how to rise from the dead and snatch my phone raced through my mind. These boys were not about to get away with stealing my phone to watch YouTube Kids! Just as I was about to rise like Lazarus, I felt a kiss on my cheek. The Henry prayed “Lord please watch over my mummy, Amen.” “Amen,” Eddie added. My heart was about to burst. They deserve the phone jo, let them go.
“Let’s go,” I heard Henry tell Eddie. A few seconds later, the door slammed shut.
I waited 30 seconds, before opening my eyes. The boys were gone. To my utmost surprise, Henry had turned off my phone and set it to charge on my bedside. I could feel my heart about to burst but the euphoria was short lived. Before I could bask in the love of my boys, I heard footsteps that could be likened to an ogre coming down Jack’s bean stalk.
I resumed, my position as a Greek statue. I heard my first child, Nte, stomp into the room. I lay still. After slamming the door, opening and slamming drawers, watching a few reels on his phone’s at the highest volume possible, resetting the AC and then positioning the fan on himself, he turned his attention to me. This man decided to use my mammary glands to see if I was alive, who does that?!
It would seem, through the laying of hands, he was able to raise me from my slumber. I’m not allowed to say Marriage is a scam anymore, I will just say, I used to sleep really well before I started sharing my bed…
